Bruises

Look at the people around you. Chances are at some point of their life most of them were victims of abuse; whether it was:

  • Domestic – Domestic violence involves violence or abuse by one person against another in a familial or intimate relationship. Domestic violence is most commonly thought of as intimate partner violence, but can also include violence or abuse from a family member.
  • Sexual – Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. Most victims and perpetrators know each other. Immediate reactions to sexual abuse include shock, fear or disbelief. Long-term symptoms include anxiety, fear or post-traumatic stress disorder. While efforts to treat sex offenders remain unpromising, psychological interventions for survivors — especially group therapy — appears effective.
  • Psychological – Psychological abuse can be defined as the systematic use of malicious manipulation through nonphysical acts against an intimate partner, child, or dependent adult. Also known as emotional abuse, these actions can include threatening the physical health of the victim or the victim’s loved ones, purposely controlling the victim’s freedom, and/or acting to undermine or isolate the victim. Psychological abuse can occur prior to physical, sexual, or other abuses. However, it can also happen at the same time. Even when it occurs by itself, it is thought to cause long-term damage to the victim’s mental health. Frequent bruising and broken bones are often signs of physical abuse, but this type of abuse leaves no visible marks. Psychological abuse is emotionally damaging because it is about someone manipulating your emotions in a psychological manner. In private, many emotional abusers may come across as bullies. However, it is more than just bullying or verbal assaults. This makes it difficult for others to believe the victim is being abused because the abuser often fakes affection in public, while knowing precisely how to manipulate situations in private that hurt and humiliate his or her victims. The abuser is not crazy. He or she chooses who to be mean to and will often do whatever it takes to stay in control of the relationships and victims. For example, the person who is nice to the friend who irritates him or her, but comes home to call his or her spouse or children stupid, lazy, or worthless for the same irritation.

Abuse is an issue that many people are passionate about but fail to interact with, possibly because the signs can be nearly invisible. Smiles, “I’m fine”s, and sometimes even pure fear of consequences can mask the dark truths in a person’s life. Most abuse cases aren’t even reported. Bruises aren’t always visible.

Statistically, 1 out of 4 women and 1 out of 7 men are victims of domestic abuse, in most situations the abuser is their significant other. Although domestic abuse pretty much covers all the factors that allow a person to fit the criteria of an abuse victim, psychological abuse is my focus in this article. The mind is so fragile, one incident can scar your memory for years afterwards. It not only damages your mind, it can also affect you physically by causing nutritional deficiency, abdominal pain and other gastrointestinal problems, neurological disorders, chronic pain, disability, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as noncommunicable diseases such as hypertension, cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Victims of domestic violence are also at higher risk for developing addictions to alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and self-harm as coping mechanisms.

This is a really important issue for me personally because I am a survivor of psychological abuse. I was told that what I did wasn’t enough, or that my efforts to obey weren’t satisfactory. My abuser influenced other people to talk trash to me no matter what I did. All of this began when I was six or seven. I stopped caring around age twelve and started paying attention to what people were saying was cool or worthy of popularity. All I wanted was someone to care about my existence; let me rephrase: I wanted people to follow me with the sole purpose of making me feel better about myself. I made mistakes with that clouded mentality and it lowered my friend count and at one point I started getting closer to whoever would look my way, no matter how toxic they were to my faith and my life. After a while, my mom helped me understand what was going on and told me to step back and find the source of this desperation. It turned back to my abuser. He manipulated my young mind to the point that I acted on negatively influenced impulses. At one point, I had considered suicide as a source of escape from everything I couldn’t control, I pushed away my mom; my main caretaker, and even myself. It felt like there were chains around my brain that where being pulled in every direction. Last year was my last straw. I stood up to my abuser and cut him out of my life. He reacted by throwing the bible at me out of context and telling me I was on the receiving end of God’s wrath, which sent me spiraling into a soulless pit of depression. I didn’t sleep or eat for weeks, because of newly developed stress anxiety, and hid from reality as much as possible. It took about six months to feel somewhat normal again. The pain doesn’t end but life goes on. I submerge myself in my support system made up of people who related to my situations either by association or experience. I still have anxiety and I doubt it’ll ever go away. That just speaks to how badly abuse can affect people.

I met a woman who lived in fear that her husband would attack her children, aged 9 and 5, if she even thought about leaving the relationship. Because her children were at risk, she couldn’t go to a safe place but instead brought a safe place to her through a friend who worked for government security. That is the first step of getting out of an abusive relationship; acknowledge your situation and get help in any way possible. In some cases, abuse victims will think that they deserve the treatment they’re receiving. No one deserves to be mistreated ever.

If you’re reading this and you’re in an abusive situation, find a safe place or talk to a person wearing a safety pin. Both have resources to help you. Or contact me. I’ll do whatever I can to get you to a safe place and help you start a new path to a safe, successful future.

The signs are subtle but people are screaming for help. You just have to listen hard enough.

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Names Aren’t A Game

Many people inhabit the earth. I really enjoy getting to know each one. Some are more of a nuisance than others but we’re still all human. I like knowing names, that way I can make a stranger an acquaintance. We each have a title that we answer to, that makes us unique and makes relationships more personal. I mean almost everyone responds to “Hey, You!” so if I shouted that in the mall I’d have 10 people staring at me, and chances are none of them are the person I wanted to talk to. I’d rather be able to say “Hey Lilly, how were the EOG’s?” or “How was the game, Dillon?” or “Hey Jesse! Missed you in class the other day!” Again those would be much more personal than “Hey, You! Yeah, the blonde! No the other blonde in the red! The girl blonde in the red romper! Yeah, you! Oh wait, that’s a dude… Nevermind!” That is way more complicated than necessary and slightly disrespectful.

When trying to make a connection with someone, whether it be for business, romance, or evangelism, knowing and calling them by name (with the correct prefix when necessary) could make all the difference. It shows you care enough about their existence to remember their name.

God called us to salvation by name so he leads by example. He also knows us better than anyone else. Likewise, we need to pay more attention to the people around us and call them by name and get to know them for who they are. Not every introduction will turn into a long-lasting friendship but at least that person knows you and can’t say no one cares who they are.

Names are more important than the obvious reveals.

Blessed VS Stressed

Hey!

I know it’s been a while but hi I’m alive! Life has really been hectic since a few weeks before school ended.

Oh yeah! I graduated from High School! Yay half my life is over and I have no clue what to do with the rest of the year. Or actually I do know what to do and that what is actually whats and to be honest I’m overwhelmed. I have to prepare for the SAT, swim at a lifeguard orientation, consult a friend about being her new employee, go on a college campus tour, help a friend with a music competition, plan a graduation party, earn money for college, clep a math course, and go on a field trip. And on top of all this I have to keep being an awesome oldest daughter, a great friend, and a ‘bomb.com make everyone else jealous’ girlfriend. Oh who am I kidding; that’s the easiest part of my schedule!

So as I’m making a list of complaints, I remember that a lot of people don’t have the opportunities I have and even though it’s hectic and overwhelming, I shouldn’t complain or scream at or cry about this list of stuff. I still do because I’m human, but I have to keep remembering that every time I feel stressed, it’s a sign that I’m truly blessed.

Thanks for reading!

Demonic Flying Furballs Are Trying To Start A Public Indecency Epidemic! (Miley Cyrus Is Probably Their Best Friend)

okay so i love animals. i do. but insects are a no no. like i will scream my lungs out if a moth gets in my house – oh wait! i did. it’s still in here somewhere and i don’t like it at all. moths are evil – they attack light, they eat clothes, oh and they’re annoying creatures in general because they’re EVERYWHERE! here’s an idea – my list of reasons why they are evil:

  1.  they’re everywhere
  2. they attack any source of light – a bright future is fair game too
  3. they come in a variety of sizes – the bigger they are the more damage they can cause
  4. they eat your money aka food and clothes – thus causing public indecency once they finish your fave skinny jeans and t-shirt and undies, etc… nudity is not for everyone.
  5. if you open your mouth they can fly in and choke you to death

now call me paranoid or over dramatic if you want to but i don’t do bugs.

  • moths (heck no)
  • flies (negativo)
  • mosquitoes (um heeeeccckkk no)
  • crickets (no way)
  • gnats (*cringes and gags)
  • slugs (BRING OUT THE SALT)
  • ants (BLOWTORCH AND AMMONIA)
  • grasshoppers (no)

and then the serious NOPE squad:

  • bees (running for my life)
  • wasps (uh uh no ma’am no collard greens and ham no lemonade no chicken wings)
  • yellow jackets (black and yellow hello dead fellow)
  • hornets (nuh uh no thank you)

so yeah the only tolerable insect for me is a butterfly and i just look at those, everything else can leave, bye, adios, chao.

i hope you understand my extreme dislike and intolerance of six legged creatures.

signed,

the blogger who is now barricaded in her mom’s room until there’s physical proof of the flying lint ball’s demise.

P.S. food donations via window will be greatly appreciated.

To Eat or Not To Eat (with a recap of an elegant evening with no elephants in a room… actually wait: one invisible elephant…)

you: “tea, whatcha doin with that title tho?”

me: “read and you’ll find out!”

translation: silly title i know but seriously keep reading.

friday night i went on a really great outing with my homeschool support group and not to appear conceited or anything but i looked absolutely amazing! it was a really formal event that called protocol and we went to one of the most expensive restaurants downtown and then to an opera and ended the night at krispy kremes.

now to eat or not to eat: protocol is what my boyfriend refers to as a “boujee” event. like the food was like $37 per person. everyone knows i’m vegetarian and the main course options presented didn’t accommodate so because the meal was so expensive, for the first time in two years, i ate meat.

no i don’t crave meat now. raw (the movie about a vegetarian forced to eat meat in a school hazing going psychotic with a need for flesh) is not at all how i feel. i love being vegetarian but for health sake i may do meat solely on mondays. health reasons meaning lack of protein for me means increase of carbs which means higher risk of health issues and all that fun stuff. so yes i am still primarily vegetarian and meat mondays are still in the thought box so nothing official yet.

so the opera: “the marriage of figaro”…  okay so i’m not a theater fan… it was a great first experience but i honestly wouldn’t enjoy it a second time. the symphony was amusing. i was slightly mesmerized by the conductor and his passionate dance with the baton.

okay so i’ll end this and if you don’t comment i’ll be slightly disappointed.

RAIN DROP

PRINGLES ARE NEVER SINGLE with an exception to individualism

no i’m not gonna talk about chips… even though i really want some right now… i did a shout out to all my single people a while back remember? well now i’m not in that group anymore. my boi is pretty awesome. he’s someone i can lean on whenever, even at 4 am XD we have similar personalities but at the same time we’re completely different people which is great. each of our differences contributes to our relationships in a positive way. for example we can look at one situation with different points of view thus leading to different realizations and self betterment and success etc etc etc… so we’re #goals in summary lol

to tie this to the title (6 words that start with t in a row… hmmm… lol), you never just eat one lonely pringle. if you do you’ve either got a potato allergy, you’re one of those people, or you’ve just got self control that jackie chan would be jealous of. so therefor if you’re single you’re not a pringle cuz there’s never just one. each chip, however, is different. there’s the annoying crumbs at the bottom of the can, there’s the chip broken perfectly in half or thirds, then there’s the normal chips with dents and chips, and then there’s that one chip that seems to be the most perfect chip you’ve ever seen. they all get eaten at some point or another.

so yeah once again being single is okay. being in a relationship is okay. eating chips is okay. translate this however you want but what i want you to think about is no matter who you are or who you’re with, be yourself.

Be yourself because everyone else is taken. Be the original unique one of a kind you.

like pringles in a can, we’re all humans in the same world. embrace the quirks and scars that make you you. people will still love you for who you are, not everyone, but someone will.

ciao (i lied… i did talk about chips… lol XP)

honest little note

i looked back at my previous entries and realized something: i tried to hard to make my blog appear more structured than my life is. i need to be more true to myself to be honest. so i’m going to post when i want to and what i feel you need to know. so yeah honesty’s the best policy right? 🙂

also:

i apologize for being inactive for this long… i may have forgotten i have a blog… oops XP

i shall not but i do

i had a minor epiphany about my faith. many new Christians may ask why it’s hard to follow Jesus. i’ve been a Christian for around 11 years and i ask myself this. but here’s what i found:

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want” Psalms 23:1

first of all is the Lord your Shepherd? that is an important question. if he’s not, i’m writing something specifically for that reason: I want Jesus to be your Shepherd.

the verse says the Lord is MY Shepherd. that is such a beautiful sentence. Jesus is MINE. he died on the cross for ME. he rose again for ME. say that to yourself a few times. he is MY Shepherd who leads me in the way that i’m supposed to go. when i say that i can almost hear Jesus whisper back “you are mine. my child. my little lamb”. but here’s the terrible part:

the second part is an explanation and a fact. because Adam and Eve sinned, the world was doomed and every child born since then wasn’t born loving the Lord. in fact we were born not wanting Jesus. we had to find out for ourselves how to want,  love, and serve Jesus.

when i accepted Christ, i was so happy. i could say i had a forever friend that would never leave me. i love that. i’m never alone. now i’ll admit it; sometimes, like a best friend, Jesus irritates me. like i’ll want to do something that i know i shouldn’t do and Jesus will nag at me in the back of my head.

Jesus: “whatcha doin?”

me: “nothin’.”

Jesus: “doesn’t look like nothin’.”

me: “…”

Jesus: “are you really about to do that? your momma said no.”

me: “… it’s a free country…”

Jesus: “not really…”

me: “i live in a democracy…”

Jesus: “1) you’re not 18. 2) you still live with your momma. 3) stop making excuses. sin is unjustifiable.”

me: “you’re killing my vibe.”

Jesus: “i’m supposed to be your vibe.”

me: “…”

Jesus: “… so what are you doing?”

me: “imma go do the dishes or laundry or something productive…”

Jesus: “good answer.”

now Jesus doesn’t talk to me in sentences but the Holy Spirit encourages or convicts my conscience.

so in my next post i will introduce you to the Lord i shall not want but i do