i had another post drafted but i felt the need to put this up.

life isn’t easy, i mean my life is better that other people’s but it’s still hard. there are a few people in the world that are trying so hard to make me miserable and it’s working. i haven’t had a proper stress free good night sleep in a long time. the stress tricks my brain into thinking i’ve eaten when i haven’t. every breath seem so difficult to take in, it’s just like those people are right behind me; stalking my every move. to be honest i’m terrified. one event could cause a panic attack which means another week of asthma treatments, another day to dwell on what caused this pain, and no one can do anything about it. the pain is real. my feelings are real. my life is real. i can’t wake up one morning and discover that this was all a nightmare because it’s not. the thing is i have to keep moving on. no one can tell that i’m hurting. i care too much about others to burden them with my problems unless i know they can help me manage it.

life won’t always be what you want it to be. there’s no magic carpet or genie. there’s no hidden castle that separates you from the world. nothing is as perfect as a fairy tale. but there is God. he brought life together as we know it. Jeremiah 29:11 says that He has a plan for us; a plan for our good according to his plan. Nothing we do or what people do to us can change his plan. He also says be anxious for nothing and that’s where i struggle personally. i’m an anxious person. well… not really. it takes a lot to upset me but when something or someone does manage to upset me,  i get anxious. i get scared that i’ll get upset again and my automatic reaction is to cut that thing out of my life. so far it’s worked and i can avoid getting upset thus avoiding anxiety.

All of this is to say honestly; i make it a point to make sure no one can notice i’m upset. that way i can move forward with my life. but because i do that, i can see other people hurting as well. i hate that life isn’t perfect and i feel really bad for those people who feel the need to try and ruin someone else’s life because they’re wasting theirs. on that note: live life God’s way and don’t let anybody bring you down.


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